On this New Game Showcase, we are not only showcasing the new duet TTRPG by Elliot Davis, The Time We Have, but we are also celebrating our two year anniversary with this special collaboration with Wildmoore High.
The content warnings for this episode include: death, grief, loss, bullying, and vague mentions of homophobia/transphobia.
This episode contains spoilers for our first season, Wildmoore High.
We highly recommend going to Backerkit and backing this game!
You can find us here.
Starring: Mads McDonough as Caleb Moore and Kenzie Tartaglione as Adam Moore.
This episode was produced and edited by Kenzie Tartaglione. “Wildmoore High Theme” by Lorna Ryan. “The Time We Have Theme” by BE/HOLD.
Episode Transcript:
Mads McDonough:
This game is about brothers. I'm the survivor.
Kenzie Tartaglione:
This is a game about brothers. I am the infected. In six days, I'll be gone.
Mads:
We will now shuffle our prompt cards and put them in the face-down deck in front of each of us.
Kenzie:
I will do the same, except with the card which reads, “Do you open the door?” I will find and place this card randomly in the bottom half of my pile. Some cards will say pass at the top. Those will be slid under the door and read silently.
Mads:
For both types of prompt cards, we can ask follow-up questions and speak both in and out of character. We will let the conversation flow until a natural pause, then draw a new card.
Kenzie:
I have one other type of prompt card, infection cards. There are five of these within my deck. These tell me how my infection is progressing and signal the end of one of the six days (time warp/change of day sound). I will let you know when the day is over and we will pause play for 30 seconds. At any point throughout play, either of us can make use of the rules on the safety card to pause, adjust, or end play. If we open the door at any point throughout play, the game is over.
Mads (Caleb Moore):
Why did you wait to tell me?
Kenzie (Adam Moore):
I don't know. I just feel like… Everything lately has been really out of our hands and there's already too much to deal with and so it was easier if you didn't have to deal with it.
Mads (Caleb):
If I didn't have to deal with it? Really? Adam, I've been cleaning up your messes for as long as I can remember.
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah, but that's not how it's supposed to be.
Mads (Caleb):
But it's how it is. We're not exactly a traditional family.
Kenzie (Adam):
Right, but maybe I wanted to change that and do what I actually thought was the right thing for once.
Mads (Caleb):
You're so… Look, I know you were trying to do a good thing, but not telling me about it? Come on, you can tell me anything. I thought that’s - I thought that's how we were before.
Kenzie (Adam):
Before.
Mads (Caleb):
You know.
Kenzie (Adam):
Maybe I should have, but I mean, then I would have just had you like breathing down my neck and asking if I was okay for too long, too much, way too much.
Mads (Caleb):
That's it?
Kenzie (Adam):
No, it's not it, Caleb. I just was trying to spare you some pain. I felt like you having to live with it for days rather than just one day, like it happening and me being gone, I thought that would be just easier for both of us.
Mads (Caleb):
Well, it wasn't. It wasn't.
Kenzie (Adam):
Hindsight.
Mads (Caleb):
20/20.
Kenzie (Adam):
Yup. Yeah.
Mads (Caleb):
What are you holding onto from home?
Kenzie (Adam):
Uh like... What do you mean? Did I take something from home?
Mads (Caleb):
No, just what are you holding onto from home? Like, me, Mom, Dad?
Kenzie (Adam):
Oh, not like my jacket.
Mads (Caleb):
No.
Kenzie (Adam):
Okay, um.
Mads (Caleb):
Emotionally.
Kenzie (Adam):
That’s not really just a question you ask someone.
Mads (Caleb):
Well, I asked it.
Kenzie (Adam):
What am I holding onto from home? I don't know. We had to like run from there. That wasn't the greatest place to be. Things were falling apart. And I'm supposed to be like thinking about what maybe I left behind?
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, Adam, because I was there. Mom was there. Dad was there. We were there.
Kenzie (Adam):
And you came with me.
Mads (Caleb):
Because I had to. You do this all the time. You run off. You don't tell anyone what you're doing. You make this like chauvinistic approach of like, I can handle anything and I can do things without you. And then look where we are now. In this.
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah. So what? So what? So maybe, maybe I am a little impulsive.
Mads (Caleb):
(scoffs) A little?
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah, just a little. I mean, it's not like I wanted this to happen.
Mads (Caleb):
Obviously. I'd hope not. What made you think that you had to do this? Go off on your own.
Kenzie (Adam):
Well, ‘cause like maybe it's not the worst thing to happen.
Mads (Caleb):
Adam, this is the worst thing to happen. Maybe not to you, but to me.
Kenzie (Adam):
I don't know if you would thought that, like a couple weeks ago.
Mads (Caleb):
If I would have thought it a couple weeks ago? Because I can see into the future? Because I can read your mind?
Kenzie (Adam):
No, no, not that. I just mean like, things have been kind of shitty for quite a bit of time and it's kind of my fault. So maybe this isn't the worst thing to happen.
Kenzie (Adam):
So I guess like, Dad won't be waking you up at five in the morning for John's to the Marsh anymore.
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, wel -
Kenzie (Adam):
Too soon?
Mads (Caleb):
Way too soon. Everything is too soon. I mean, I can't say I'm not upset about that. It'd be nice to sleep in. It'd be nice to actually look outside and not think that like, something bad is going to happen. Being scared to walk around the house, go out in the woods, to do anything. We're safe now. I'm safe now.
Kenzie (Adam):
I kinda liked it. When he did it with me. I don't know, it felt like… I was a part of something. I know I didn't have his green thumb, but like, I could have learned how to have one, I guess.
Mads (Caleb):
You could have come. Any of those times.
Kenzie (Adam):
I don't know. That was like a... That was like a thing I did with him before... When we thought it was me and... It's fine. It really isn’t - I kind of snuck out there sometimes by myself.
Mads (Caleb):
You snuck out to the marsh?
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah.
Mads (Caleb):
You liked that?
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah. I don't know, was quiet. It was before there was the gross stuff in it.
Mads (Caleb):
Dad used to say that there was something magic about the place. And now that we know more, I mean, it's probably not as much of a fairy tale as we thought it was.
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah, I think it literally might have been magic.
Mads (Caleb):
And you felt a calling to go out there, like drawn to it, because I didn't.
Kenzie (Adam):
Calling might be too strong of a word. It just was the only place where I didn't have to be me. Which I know to you sounds probably a little like, “Oh, Adam had to - couldn’t stand being Adam!” But I just feel like everybody was always looking at me. I think that's also why I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to look at me differently.
Mads (Caleb):
I was always looking though, but I don't think it's in the way that everyone else was. I think I just wanted you to look back at me.
Kenzie (Adam):
I was pretty shitty when I finally did, wasn't I?
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah. Very.
Kenzie (Adam):
I always… God, this sounds so cheesy. I always saw you, Caleb. But I just feel like there was life stuff that tried to block my view a lot.
Mads (Caleb):
You're right, that was really cheesy.
Kenzie (Adam):
Fuck off. No, actually, don’t! Don’t. Please - please don't.
Mads (Caleb):
I won't. I'm not... I'm not going anywhere. I’m here. I’m here.
Did you really see yourself staying here forever? You never wanted to leave? Go somewhere new? Start something new? Be someone new?
Kenzie (Adam):
(Chuckles) I kind of still think and feel that. I don't really know what else is out there for me, Caleb. I don’t… I don't really feel like I have greater purpose than what I always thought my purpose was. And you know, it didn't turn out to be what I thought it was gonna be, but that doesn't mean that it's like, still not some sort of protector of this place.
Mads (Caleb):
You're so… Uhhh...
Kenzie (Adam):
Good descriptor.
Mads (Caleb):
You’ve never felt selfish? Just like you wanted something for you? Anything? Ever?
Kenzie (Adam):
Well, yeah, but I think I kind of got her in the end.
Mads (Caleb):
Oh, so fucking gross! Not like that! For yourself. Just you.
Kenzie (Adam):
(Sighs) I mean, what was I gonna be? I never even thought about it. I was Adam Moore. I was the captain of the hockey team. was dating the hottest girl in school, like… I - Caleb, I... had... Damn. Honestly, maybe it's good thing, ‘cause they would have killed me to find this out. I hadn't... even started looking at colleges.
Mads (Caleb):
Adam.
Kenzie (Adam):
I mean, I had a bit before I had to like apply, like, I don't know, I just would have maybe gone to Wildmoore Community. I don't even know what I want to do. I'm not good at anything but hockey.
Mads (Caleb):
Shut up. You're good at… uh, you’re good at, no, don't hold this against me. I'm thinking-
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah, yeah, right, exactly. There's literally not something that comes to your mind when you think of me, Caleb!
Mads (Caleb):
Adam! You’re great at talking to people. You're great at talking to people. Like, you can go up in front of a crowd and you can just be there. And you're Adam, but you're also not Adam? You’re like a figurehead, you're like a leader, you're... You can do that. Okay? And it's not Math, it's not Science or English class, it's not something like that, but it's stil it’s - I can't do that. I can't... lead.
Kenzie (Adam):
Imagine this.
Mads (Caleb):
Okay.
Kenzie (Adam):
Adam Moore, mayor of Wildmoore.
Mads (Caleb):
I think it sounds like nepotism, but sure. Oh, one of the founding families and he's the mayor now too. I wonder how he got that position.
Kenzie (Adam):
Okay, people have to vote. People have to vote.
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, and our family’s one of the people that votes!
Kenzie (Adam):
And there's like what? Well, four of us left? Five of us left?
Mads (Caleb):
Don't remind me.
Kenzie (Adam):
And who even knows if there's that anymore?
Mads (Caleb):
Don’t go there. Don’t… Look, you're good at a lot of things, even if it doesn't translate to your SAT scores. Okay? Can you just trust me on that?
Kenzie (Adam):
Sure, but then... What were you gonna do? Just keep running forever?
Mads (Caleb):
Well… it’s… I wasn't gonna not run, really, more of like a walk. (Stutters) I was just gonna... I wanted to go somewhere where no one knew who I was. And I wanted them to just like me for that. I didn't want anyone to like me because I was a Moore kid. I didn't want anyone to like me because I was Adam's younger brother. I just wanted to be me. And I don’t… I don't think I can do that anymore.
Kenzie (Adam):
Do you think that's what you would think if you hadn't been forced to? Because I think if you hadn't been forced to, you would have stayed away and then where would that have left us?
Mads (Caleb):
I’d come back.
Kenzie (Adam):
I don't know if I believe that.
Mads (Caleb):
If you asked. I’d always come back if you asked me to.
Kenzie (Adam):
I mean now, now I would ask, but then? (Scoffs) We weren't necessarily the best of friends.
Mads (Caleb):
But we used to be.
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah? And the only reason we are again is because you did come back.
Mads (Caleb):
I never left. Not for you.
Kenzie (Adam):
We didn't talk.
Mads (Caleb):
Whose fault is that?
Kenzie (Adam):
I think maybe both of us can take the blame.
Mads (Caleb):
Fair. But look, now we're talking.
Kenzie (Adam):
Because again, we're forced to.
Mads (Caleb):
It's not forced. It's not... Don't make it like that. Please.
Kenzie (Adam):
Well, did you think we would end up here?
Mads (Caleb):
A part of me has stopped trying to predict where anything will lead. Because I just don't know anymore.
Kenzie (Adam):
I feel like life takes that out of your hands a lot of the time.
Mads (Caleb):
I think I'd like to go somewhere, end up somewhere that has an ocean. I think I'd like that a lot.
Kenzie (Adam):
That is not around here.
Mads (Caleb):
You see my predicament?
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah, sure. We got that little pond, you can go there and I'll sit across the lake and make like boat sounds or whatever.
Mads (Caleb):
You're so dumb.
Kenzie (Adam):
(laughs) Hmm. Yeah.
Kenzie:
What argument have we had repeatedly since the end?
Mads (Caleb):
Where do we start? Oh, wait, I know where we would start! If you actually tried talking to me.
Kenzie (Adam):
Okay, shut up.
Mads (Caleb):
Hey!
Kenzie (Adam):
(sighs) Ugh, okay, um… I feel like I don't know what to say to you because… I feel like you already know. So it's redundant.
Mads (Caleb):
Say it again.
Kenzie (Adam):
That's not what the question was.
Mads (Caleb):
The answer to the question is that you don't talk to me.
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah.
Mads (Caleb):
And you saying the answer is redundant is not talking to me.
Kenzie (Adam):
So we answered the question.
Mads (Caleb):
You suck at this.
Kenzie (Adam):
Case and point, question answered.
Mads (Caleb):
Oh my god. Really?
Kenzie (Adam):
Mm-hmm. Really.
Mads (Caleb):
We finally have a chance to just sit for a second, after all this shit, and you still can't... A sentence. An, “I'm sorry”. Would it kill you to say “I'm sorry”?
Kenzie (Adam):
What am I supposed to apologize about right now?
Mads (Caleb):
That you didn't tell me when it first started happening that you didn't tell me.
Kenzie (Adam):
Oh, we’re still harping on that.
Mads (Caleb):
Adam, you up and left. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where you went. I didn't know - this person that had always been there for me, that told me that they would always be there for me was just gone. And I was confused and I was scared and I was alone.
Kenzie (Adam):
You’re not gonna like this, but I didn't want it to happen to you. So I left,
Mads (Caleb):
Well, I didn't want it to happen to me either. And I was struggling. I was scared. I didn't want that.
Kenzie (Adam):
Well, did you ever consider the fact that I wasn't feeling great either? It is happening to me right now, Caleb. I can feel it inside of me. I don't know if you can make this one about you.
Mads (Caleb):
(stutters) I’m not… Okay, maybe I am trying to make it about me because everything is always about you instead.
Kenzie (Adam):
Oh great! So the one time that it actually maybe should be about me, it's not allowed to be simply because it has been before?
Mads (Caleb):
We're talking in circles.
Kenzie (Adam):
Like I said, the answer to the question was redundant.
Mads (Caleb):
Fine.
Kenzie (Adam):
Great.
Mads:
The day everything went bad, a happy event brought us together. Why was this the first time we had seen each other in a while?
Kenzie (Adam):
Listen, I think it was like pretty... You hadn't been to one of my hockey games in a while.
Mads (Caleb):
I mean, they're pretty loud.
Kenzie (Adam):
Okay, sure, but like, I don't know. It was cool that like… you came. So… you know your presence was appreciated.
Mads (Caleb):
Don't trip over yourself saying thank you.
Kenzie (Adam):
You know, sometimes you don't say anything back either.
Mads (Caleb):
It was nice seeing you. Playing again. I think maybe I felt like I wasn't invited for a while.
Kenzie (Adam):
Well, it's a public arena. So anybody can come and go whenever they want.
Mads (Caleb):
You know what I mean.
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah, I know what you mean. And, uh… yeah, you kind of weren't.
Mads (Caleb):
Finally read that one right. It was nice seeing you. Play again. It felt like I was watching my brother. Like it was normal.
Kenzie (Adam):
We needed some normal.
Mads (Caleb):
We did. You played well.
Kenzie (Adam):
Well, thank you. Uh… I will toot my own horn here. I always play well.
Mads (Caleb):
Mm-hmm.
Kenzie (Adam):
I think I'm gonna miss that a lot.
Mads (Caleb):
So you are good at things.
Kenzie (Adam):
Hockey! I said I was good at hockey. No one was gonna come to Wildmoore and recruit me though. I wasn't gonna make a career out of being a hockey player.
Mads (Caleb):
How do you know that?
Kenzie (Adam):
Cause I did, like I didn't. I didn't try. I was the best on the team and it never crossed my mind to start over again and be the worst on a new team. Like, why would I want to do that?
Mads (Caleb):
Because then you'd be the best on the new team eventually. And then you'd be the worst again. And then you'd be the best again. And then you'd be the worst again. And the best again. And then you'd probably retire. But you would have tried. Put yourself out there.
Kenzie (Adam):
I don't know if I had that energy. It's like a lot of work.
Mads (Caleb):
Adam Moore is afraid of a little work. Really?
Kenzie (Adam):
Caleb, I'd gotten to a point where everything was so easy. I didn't have to do anything. That's why I wouldn't probably ever leave. Sad, really fucking sad.
Mads (Caleb):
Adam, you're still... You were still a kid. Look, I keep telling you to like, want more for yourself and get out of here and make up your mind already, but I don't think we're supposed to know what we want yet. I think that's the whole point is that we fuck around and we find out. You could have fucked around. You could have...
Kenzie (Adam):
I did.
Mads (Caleb):
Not like that1 Stay focused for one second.
Kenzie (Adam):
Oh, then stop setting me up.
Mads (Caleb):
No, just listen! Listen to me. Listen. Okay, so you could have tried to get a recruiter or someone to come see you. You could have gone somewhere else and then they would have seen you and you might not have been the best, but you definitely wouldn't have been the worst. Because you care. Like that's the whole thing with you. You care about people. You care about friends. You care about family. You care about everyone. You always have. And you need to care more about yourself.
Kenzie (Adam):
I guess I have like five more days to figure that out.
Mads (Caleb):
Okay, just not... don’t... don’t make it about that right now. Don’t…
Kenzie (Adam):
So I should have told you, but then also don't think about it?
Mads (Caleb):
I don't know, Adam.
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah. I don't know either, and I think that's kind of what we're gonna be stuck with right now.
(Grunting, groaning, monster noise)Mads (Caleb):
Hey, hey! Adam? Adam hey, are you still there? Are - Can you hear me? I’m - I'm right here. It's Caleb. I'm right here
Kenzie (Adam):
(Coughs) Yeah, I can hear you.
Mads (Caleb):
You’re with - you’re with me. You’re -
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah.
Mads (Caleb):
Just try to stay. Try… I know you're trying. Please stay.
Kenzie (Adam):
I'm here.
Mads (Caleb):
Okay. Okay.
Mads:
We used to go on trips as a family to somewhere beautiful. Why did we always end up fighting?
Kenzie (Adam):
You always had to have the top bunk. And I feel like as the elder, I should have gotten to be on the top - Like, why were you even allowed to be on the top bunk? I was older. I should have gotten the top bunk. It's the more dangerous bunk.
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, and your knees are worse, grandpa. Stay on the bottom bunk.
Kenzie (Adam):
Oh, I - What you talking about? I skate every day.
Mads (Caleb):
And that's why all your bones are breaking.
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah, remember though the one time you wet the bed and it literally dripped down through onto me?
Mads (Caleb):
That is not true!
Kenzie (Adam):
That’s why you should have been on the bottom bunk.
Mads (Caleb):
You know that was my water bottle.
Kenzie (Adam):
I don't know anything for sure, Caleb. I just remember waking up at like 3 a.m. dripping on me.
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, and it was water because it was in a water bottle. Was it yellow? Was it - It wasn't because it was water that as in a water bottle that spilled.
Kenzie (Adam):
I wasn’t really examining the liquid dripping on my face in the dark room at three in the morning. I wasn't concerned with the color of it as much as getting it off of me.
Mads (Caleb):
Okay, but so you couldn't see it, okay? But you could have, you could have smelled it or it was water!
Kenzie (Adam):
I’m not gonna smell something when I think it's piss! You know, we don't need to talk about this anymore, because obviously it's just making both of us mad again.
Kenzie:
There is something from before that I never apologized for. Will you forgive me anyway?
Mads (Caleb):
Well, you don't apologize for much. But, I can't say that I do either. Of course I forgive you. I'll always forgive you. You're my brother.
Kenzie (Adam):
It's not because this is kind of like... your last chance.
Mads (Caleb):
To what? Hold a grudge?
Kenzie (Adam):
To offer forgiveness?
Mads (Caleb):
No. Adam, if you would... Anytime. Anytime. I would have done it. If you would just... have asked. Anytime.
Kenzie (Adam):
You know, it's kind of one of those things where… I don't even think that I thought I was wrong. Or that I thought I needed to apologize for it. Until now.
Mads (Caleb):
Do you have a time in mind?
Kenzie (Adam):
A lot of it, think.
Mads (Caleb):
What, like, the time you almost ran me over when you were backing out of the house.
Kenzie (Adam):
No that was honestly an accident.
Mads (Caleb):
That time?
Kenzie (Adam):
I mean, like, that was honestly an accident.
Mads (Caleb):
‘Cause I bent down to tie my shoe. Yeah, and it was a bitch move, but I forgave you.
Kenzie (Adam):
Right.
Mads (Caleb):
Or the time that… I don't know.
Kenzie (Adam):
No. For the time when I decided I was mad at you for taking what was mine and then for years after that not being there for you. It was childish of me and… I acted like you were nothing and pretended when you went off to boarding school that you didn't exist. And then when you came back, I didn't have your back. Do you forgive me for that?
Mads (Caleb):
I don't think I can make you feel better about that. Because it did suck and it was horrible. But, I don't know. I wasn't gonna... I wasn't gonna leave you for that. You don't need my forgiveness. I think you need to forgive yourself.
Kenzie (Adam):
We'll see if I can manage.
Mads (Caleb):
Don't hurt yourself over it.
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah, Caleb. Yeah.
Mads (Caleb):
Suit yourself.
Kenzie (Adam):
(Deep breaths)
Mads (Caleb):
You sure you're okay?
Kenzie (Adam):
Uh-huh.
Mads (Caleb):
Cause we can, we can take a break if you need to take a break. We can, don't, don't, don't push yourself right now. Just take it easy.
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not doing anything. Just sitting.
Mads (Caleb):
Okay, just if you need a break, you just tell me.
Kenzie (Adam):
You can just let it go, let it out.
Mads (Caleb):
What? Let what go? What were you talking about? What are -?
Kenzie (Adam):
The door isn't soundproof, Caleb.
Mads (Caleb):
I asked you if you were okay. It's just… why is it happening like this? Why is it happening like this? We were supposed to do more together.
Kenzie (Adam):
Ugh, I don't know. We packed like a lot, a lot into the last couple months.
Mads (Caleb):
(Laughs)
Kenzie (Adam):
There it is.
Mads (Caleb):
What? What?
Kenzie (Adam):
A better sound than the other one.
Mads (Caleb):
Shut up. (Clears throat)
Kenzie (Adam):
You don't have to - you have to hide it. It's fine. Okay? You sure?
Mads (Caleb):
No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
Kenzie (Adam):
I always believe everything you tell me.
Mads (Caleb):
There's a new one.
Kenzie (Adam):
It was a little bit of a lie. But not a whole one.
Mads (Caleb):
Okay. Sap.
Kenzie (Adam):
Okay. Nerd.
[footsteps going away]
I am fine. This is all gonna be fine. One, two, three, four. Nope, okay. (Deep breath) I don't like counting. Maybe he shouldn't come back. It’s good, it's good. I didn't want him to be here in the first place. Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine. I'll be fine.
[footsteps coming closer]
Caleb?
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, what?
Kenzie (Adam):
Where did you go?
Mads (Caleb):
Oh, I got some water.
Kenzie (Adam):
That took a bit.
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah. I had to go fill it up in the fridge, what? Sorry.
Kenzie (Adam):
It's okay.
Mads (Caleb):
(Scoffs) Okay.
Kenzie:
Who were the survivors we met that were kind?
Mads (Caleb):
You know, I wasn't really expecting it, but... Farrow, I mean... They're nice. Kinda.
Kenzie (Adam):
That scrawny kid?
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, it... I mean, it really sucks, the whole... stuff with their family, but... They're funny. I don't mind having them around. I feel like... They're really closed off, though. I don’t... know…
Kenzie (Adam):
I mean, wouldn't you be?
Mads (Caleb):
I'm not like you. I can't just talk to people right away.
Kenzie (Adam):
Right.
Mads (Caleb):
What? You don't think...
Kenzie (Adam):
I'm agreeing with you.
Mads (Caleb):
Look, you're Mr. Charismatic.
Kenzie (Adam):
I'm agreeing with you, Caleb.
Mads (Caleb):
Oh, okay. It's just harder for me to… (sighs) reach out when I don't know them yet. I don't know how they're gonna react to me. I don't know how I'm gonna react to them. I just - but… Farrow seems… the same. I'm glad that they're here.
There is a game we play to keep sane. How will I play it alone?
Kenzie (Adam):
You get to win every time.
Mads (Caleb):
That's not the point. It's not playing a game if I just automatically win.
Kenzie (Adam):
You could play against yourself.
Mads (Caleb):
That's it? Play against myself? How would I even do that?
Kenzie (Adam):
You could think of this as a game?
Mads (Caleb):
Talking to you through a door? Who wins?
Kenzie (Adam):
You could just talk to yourself.
Mads (Caleb):
I do that enough. I like when you do the talking.
Kenzie (Adam):
I'm getting pretty tired.
Mads (Caleb):
Can we... Can we keep going a little longer? Please.
Kenzie:
Why do you blame yourself?
Mads (Caleb):
Because I could have done more. I could have... saved you. What's the point of having this gift if I can't save people?
Kenzie (Adam):
You're just one person.
Mads (Caleb):
So I should be able to save one person. You. I pick you.
Kenzie (Adam):
Well damn, Caleb. (Sniffles)
Mads (Caleb):
What? You can't be the self-sacrificing one all the time. I think it's a part of our family. It's just who we are. Some kind of born martyr complex.
Kenzie (Adam):
Well, I guess good thing this last bit was chosen for me then.
Mads (Caleb):
Don't say it like that.
Kenzie (Adam):
You couldn't have stopped this.
Mads (Caleb):
I think I know that. But I don't... I'm not ready for it. Not yet.
Kenzie (Adam):
I'm not either.
Mads (Caleb):
What food do you miss the most that I hate?
Kenzie (Adam):
Man, remember when dad would make those leftover mashed potatoes into potato pancakes at like 9:30 on a Wednesday and he would always really burn one side of them -
Mads (Caleb):
How could I forget?
Kenzie (Adam):
-and then barely cook the other side.
Mads (Caleb):
They were so oily. I just get a stomach ache thinking about it. You miss that?
Kenzie (Adam):
I'd rather have that stomach ache than this one.
Mads (Caleb):
You'd rather eat refried potato smashed bits covered in oil that are definitely burnt.
Kenzie (Adam):
Yes.
Mads (Caleb):
It's that bad?
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah. It's that bad.
Mads (Caleb):
Oh…I didn't - I didn’t - I didn’t realize. I'm... uh… Yeah, well, I think Dad was gonna make them again soon, so if you want burnt potatoes.
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah. If he does.
(Humming “Brothers in a Hotel Room” by Death Cab to Cutie)
Mads (Caleb):
(laughs) Are you... Is that what I think it is?
Kenzie (Adam):
(Humming) Yeah, I heard it playing through. I don't know, I'm just… Maybe I didn't hear it any time recently, just in my head. (Humming)
Mads (Caleb):
When was the last time I heard that song? I was in your room and I was… alone. I don't remember why I was there. Adam?
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah?
Mads (Caleb):
Okay, you're still there?
Kenzie (Adam):
I don't remember the words. (Humming) But I remember that.
Mads (Caleb):
Don’t worry about it too much. You’re here. That's what matters right now.
Mads:
When did we feel badass recently?
Kenzie (Adam):
I think I'm gonna leave that up to you to recollect, because I've been acting pretty pathetic recently.
Mads (Caleb):
Ooooh, not a good flex for Adam Moore. Calling yourself pathetic? That's a new one.
Kenzie (Adam):
I'm trying this thing called honesty.
Mads (Caleb):
Well, picked a good time for it. I mean… as much as it sucked, the dance, I felt like when we all pulled together, it felt like we were finally all fighting on the same team, all of us. At the same time, doing what we were good at, what we could do, and we all wanted the same outcome.
Kenzie (Adam):
I was fairly clear headed at that point, I think.
Mads (Caleb):
Honestly, more than you've been in months.
Kenzie (Adam):
(Coughs)
Mads (Caleb):
Hey. Are you? Never mind.
What about this door is annoying?
Kenzie (Adam):
The fact that you always barged through it.
Mads (Caleb):
Okay, barged is… That's not what I did. I mean, sometimes I didn't knock, sure, but like, you'd leave the door like cracked open a little bit, and so that felt like an invitation enough. And sometimes when I did knock, you didn't respond. And so, I mean, you could have been passed out on the ground, and I just, I wouldn't have known if I didn't open it up. I could have saved your life. You should be thanking me.
Kenzie (Adam):
Thank you. For a lot of it.
Mads (Caleb):
Oh… yeah, sure. I - This isn't like you. Why are you being so… I don't know. Nice. Like not underhanded or making fun of my hair while you do it. You sure you're okay?
Kenzie (Adam):
No, ugh, I can feel it crawling up my throat.
Mads (Caleb):
Do you need some water? I could get you some water.
Kenzie (Adam):
Do not open that door.
Mads (Caleb):
Okay. I won’t. But if you need me, I can. Just so you know.
Kenzie (Adam):
I know. (Sniffs)
(Laughs)
Mads (Caleb):
What? What about this is funny?
Kenzie (Adam):
I don't think it's funny.
Mads (Caleb):
Then why are you laughing? This is serious. Adam, I-
Kenzie (Adam):
Okay. I'll be serious. What's next?
Mads (Caleb):
Well, where do I go from here?
Kenzie (Adam):
I think anywhere you want.
Mads (Caleb):
Like, physically? I mean, I don't know if I can. There's this feeling now that I can't leave. And I feel like if I tried, it would hurt.
Kenzie (Adam):
Then not physically.
Mads (Caleb):
Okay, so... Emotionally, um, where do I want to go? I want... I want to... Maybe go somewhere nice with Ivy? She's been wanting to go shopping or something, and I think that would be nice. I could go somewhere with Sawyer. We've been... kind of... I don't know... more... lately. There's Farrow. I guess I could... I guess I could go a lot of places with them. All of them, that is. I think I could maybe be more honest with them. I always have Sam, but it's not... Sam doesn't know everything. And there's only so much that I can tell them. Everything else I just kind of keep in my chest. I'm scared to put it somewhere else. I'm scared.
Kenzie (Adam):
I said not physically, Caleb.
Mads (Caleb):
So what, like therapy? Is that it? Is that where I'm supposed to mentally, emotionally go? Try to get over this? Try to… they're not gonna understand. There's not a therapist for supernatural entities. I just have myself. And you... I have you.
Kenzie (Adam):
There's therapy for dead brothers, I assume.
Mads (Caleb):
Well, maybe I don't want to talk to them about that.
Kenzie (Adam):
Well then maybe you don't go anywhere from here.
Mads (Caleb):
I don't want to go anywhere that you can't go too.
Kenzie (Adam):
I need you to.
Mads (Caleb):
I'm not ready. Can we just stay here a little longer?
Kenzie (Adam):
I don't have anywhere to be.
I know you don't want to talk about it. But I need you to promise me that you are gonna keep going when I'm gone.
Mads (Caleb):
And what if I say no? Huh? What are you gonna do?
Kenzie (Adam):
Die anyway.
Mads (Caleb):
No, no. You make it sound like it's for nothing. You make it sound like you didn't mean anything.
Kenzie (Adam):
But I can't stop it.
Mads (Caleb):
I know. I don't want to know, but I know. I don’t - I don't want to think about a world where you aren't here. Even if - even if I didn't get this gift, if you got it instead, if you stayed in Wildmoore, I fucked off to wherever. I don't want you to not be there.
Kenzie (Adam):
Caleb, are you gonna promise me or not?
Mads (Caleb):
This isn't fair. I'm supposed to call home and you tell me about how much Mom and Dad are getting on your nerves or your latest date catastrophe with Ivy. And I'm supposed to come home for the holidays and kind of act like I'm disinterested in it, but like I'm really excited to be there. And I've been waiting for it for months. And you're supposed to - you’re supposed to- you’re supposed to watch me graduate from high school and and tell me that. I look like a dork with my honor society bands and stuff and my stupid hat. And it matches yours kind of, but like you tell me that like you look better in it than I do and…
Kenzie (Adam):
Are you gonna promise me or not?
Mads (Caleb):
(deep breath, clears throat) I promise that I'm gonna look so much better in that stupid cap than you ever would have.
Kenzie (Adam):
Okay.
Mads (Caleb):
(Pacing)
Kenzie (Adam):
Would you stop?
Mads (Caleb):
What? What? I’m walking, okay? I'm just, I'm walking around. It's normal for a person to be walking when they're stressed out. And I'm stressed out, so I'm walking. And it's helping me process this and you and… and me and the fucking door.
Kenzie (Adam):
Another annoying thing about the door is that it's preventing me from slapping you right now.
Mads (Caleb):
Well, I just wouldn't let you slap me. I just wouldn't let it happen. I would dodge out of the way and you would trip over yourself and look like an idiot. I'm sitting down now, okay? I'm sitting down. God…
Kenzie (Adam):
I have a secret about you.
Mads (Caleb):
(scoffs) What?
Kenzie (Adam):
I got a super random message one day.
Mads (Caleb):
What? From some girl at school?
Kenzie (Adam):
From a kid named Josh.
Mads (Caleb):
Uh, okay. What was it about?
Kenzie (Adam):
It was sort of an apology.
Mads (Caleb):
What? For what?
Kenzie (Adam):
I feel like I would have turned too if that had happened to me.
Mads (Caleb):
What are you talking about? Turn, turn, what? What? What do mean? What? Are you…? What’d he say?
Kenzie (Adam):
He said that he didn't return your feelings, but he said some shit and did some shit to your face that he would take back.
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, well, it’s a little too late for that. Look, you weren't. It was my business. And you and Mom and Dad didn't need to know about it. Okay, it was it wasn't a big deal or anything. It was just some stupid kid. And I was a stupider kid to think that I don't know, this guy asks you about what kind of video games you like and and if you're watching any movies lately or TV shows and what - what you like to do after class and, and if you'd wanna go see a movie or something sometime. And he's more popular than you are and so you think he could never see me, he could never want those things, but you just, you want anyways. You wanna hope that he's different and that he doesn't care about that kind of stuff and you're not just some weird, stupid kid that you're something and you're someone and someone saw you and it's great and that’s, that's all you want. You just want someone to see you and then and it blows up in your face and it's in the middle of a hallway and you see them snickering and whispering to themselves and trying not to make eye contact with you and then you see him and and you smile and he looks at you but he's not there, he's not looking at you. He’s looking like the rest of them are and they're all looking at you like you're freaking like you're stupid and like you're so, so, so, stupid and they're so much better than you are and, and, and, and you just - your brain just goes black for a moment and all you can think about is how, how different you are than them and how weird you are and how crazy you are and how gross and disgusting and monstrous you are and it just takes you over and it just - And it happens and you're scared and they're more scared than you are and then you run and you run and it's too late because you already did something and you can't take it back and it's too late. And then the school and they're calling your parents and you're not allowed to stay anymore and you have to go home and pretend like it's fine and like you're not a monster. Like you're not different.
I put him in the hospital. That was me. I did that. I did that. Me.
Kenzie (Adam):
You could have told me.
Mads (Caleb):
I didn't want you to look at me like they did. But when I came back, you wouldn't look at me at all. And it was worse.
Kenzie (Adam):
I still wish, you would’ve.
Mads (Caleb):
I kinda wish that too.
Kenzie (Adam):
(Sniffles)
Why can you never just let there be silence?
Mads (Caleb):
Because if there's silence for too long then... I'm alone again. It's just, it's weird when there's no noise at all. Is this bothering you? I'm just... It's a Rubik's Cube. I didn't even think you could hear it. I - It helps me focus.
Kenzie (Adam):
I could never do those.
Mads (Caleb):
It's not that hard once you figure out kinda the different ways to solve it. Sam taught me. It's kind of relaxing, but sometimes I still… Sometimes I still mess it up. But I can just make it go back and start over again.
Hey, who do you wish was here?
Kenzie (Adam):
Uh, you. I wish you were on this side of the door.
Mads (Caleb):
What? No, like, who do you wish was here talking to you instead of me? There's not one other person? I mean, I can think of one that I feel like you'd want.
Kenzie (Adam):
Nope, not really at all, actually. I would just, I really would like to see your face right now.
Mads (Caleb):
What? You’re being weird. Why are you being like this? Look, if you don't want me to bring up Ivy, like I won't talk about her right now, but what's with this me on the other side of the door shit? Didn't you just tell me not to open the door?
Kenzie (Adam):
A couple days ago, but I mean, we didn't even try it. We didn't try to open the door. So I mean, we could try it.
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, but like you were really, really adamant about it. I don't know why… What's going on?
Kenzie (Adam):
Caleb, I just...
Mads (Caleb):
Adam?
Kenzie (Adam):
I like, I just like need some water or, or, you know, I'd like to try the Rubik's Cube. So, you know, if you want to pass those, pass those through.
Mads (Caleb):
I can't. It's not going to fit under the door, Adam.
Kenzie (Adam):
No, Caleb, not under the, not under the fucking door. Open the door and give it to me.
Mads (Caleb):
You're freaking me out, Adam.
Kenzie (Adam):
I'm sorry.
Mads (Caleb):
You're scaring me.
Kenzie (Adam):
I'm sorry. Though I don't know how I can make it any clearer. I'm going crazy. In here, I would like to try something new.
Mads (Caleb):
I don't think that's a good idea.
[Adam’s fist slams against the door]
Mads (Caleb):
It’s bad, isn't it? That's what's happening. It's getting really bad, right? I think that's what's happening. I'm not going anywhere, but I can't come in.
Kenzie (Adam):
Fuck! I asked you to do like one thing. One thing. And you can't even try?
Mads (Caleb):
Adam, this isn't you. You wouldn't say this.
Kenzie (Adam):
Oh, ‘cause I've never been mean to you before?
Mads (Caleb):
Fuck off. Okay, if that's the other one talking right now, shut the fuck up. I'm trying to have a conversation with my brother.
Kenzie (Adam):
And I need my brother to open the goddamn door.
Mads (Caleb):
Well, I'm not. So deal with that.
[Adam’s fist slams against the door]
Kenzie (Adam):
Are you still there?
Mads (Caleb):
Yep.
Kenzie (Adam):
You're right. I would like to see Ivy. Who would you like to see?
Mads (Caleb):
Did you just- (sighs) You suck at this. Honestly, Ivy. I'd love to see Ivy right now because maybe she could talk some sense into you.
Kenzie (Adam):
Great. Call her up. Maybe she'd open the fucking door.
Mads (Caleb):
(laughs) We both know that she wouldn't do that. Look, I might be stubborn, but then there's Ivy stubborn.
Kenzie (Adam):
I guess she is the one that got me into this mess.
Mads (Caleb):
That's not you talking. That's something else. We know that this wasn't her. It was that thing, that shadow, that whatever that followed. Just because she might have had a hand in this. That wasn't her. That would wreck her, Adam, if she heard us talking about this. That would destroy her. I know you don't want to do that to her. You'd never hurt her.
Kenzie (Adam):
I haven't eaten in four days. I'm starving.
You don't wanna see me face to face?
Mads (Caleb):
Not like this.
Kenzie (Adam):
I’d wanna see you.
Mads (Caleb):
What story do you remember mom and dad always telling us? I mean, there were a lot, which one do you remember the most?
Kenzie (Adam):
Okay, don't get mad.
Mads (Caleb):
Try me.
Kenzie (Adam):
This is about opening a door.
Mads (Caleb):
Jesus.
Kenzie (Adam):
You know, we talked about how the swamp marsh might be magical?
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah.
Kenzie (Adam):
Dad told me a story about a door. Did he tell it to you?
Mads (Caleb):
No, I don't remember. What'd he say?
Kenzie (Adam):
Some sort of... fairytale, I think. It's gone the way of those song lyrics.
Mads (Caleb):
It's getting harder to remember, isn't it?
Kenzie (Adam):
Fairies and doors and winged things.
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, I think I remember dad talking about something like that, something about passageways, connection, a link to another place, another world. He said that a Moore from a really, really, really long time ago, that he could cross over but then he gave it up one day. It was the price he had to pay for staying here.
Kenzie (Adam):
Those doors weren't easy to open. This one could be.
Mads (Caleb):
I think it's kind of like the story, Adam. I think once the door opens, there's no going back.
Kenzie:
Who did we watch go through this change?
Kenzie (Adam):
Do you... get the feeling that we've been here before?
Mads (Caleb):
What, me sitting outside your door?
Kenzie (Adam):
No. Me not being me.
Mads (Caleb):
No… Maybe. It's... It's weird. If I think about it too hard... I don’t... I don't know what I'm doing here. And I can feel the door behind me, but I don't think that's where I am. I think... I think I watched this happen last time. It was different, but... I watched you change and be someone that you weren't anymore. Something was wrong for a while, but then we were starting to fix it, and just when we were starting to fix it, you were… gone. There was a night and we were at Aunt Sarah's house. And when you came inside, it wasn't you. You were there, but your eyes, you were looking at something that wasn't in the room. There was something wrong with your face. The way that you smiled. It was like watching an alien trying to mimic a human smile. It wasn't right. It was so… What happened, Adam?
Kenzie (Adam):
It feels different this time. I... I feel like I... know what's happening to me this time.
Mads (Caleb):
Could you feel it before? Were you there? Somewhere... somewhere in there? Was it already too late?
Kenzie (Adam):
I wasn't there then.
Mads (Caleb):
What was the last thing that you remember?
Kenzie (Adam):
It's all... a lot of it is smushed together.
Mads (Caleb):
When's the last time you saw me?
Kenzie (Adam):
(Sighs) I -
Mads (Caleb):
It's okay. You don't need to answer. Just don't go yet. I need just a little more time, please.
Kenzie (Adam):
I can give you a little more time. I think I've got that in me.
Mads:
What have you used to defend yourself?
Kenzie (Adam):
(Laughs) Is this like literal or what are we doing?
Mads (Caleb):
Well, I know that figuratively is with humor. You love dancing around questions.
Kenzie (Adam):
I don't think I have defended myself very well. I let it in.
Mads (Caleb):
Did you try to stop it?
Kenzie (Adam):
No, I asked for it. I reached out and asked for it.
Mads (Caleb):
Do you really feel like you couldn't ask us for help?
Kenzie (Adam):
I didn't know I needed help.
Mads (Caleb):
I'm worried it might be too late.
Kenzie (Adam):
Oh, I think it is. I think it is.
Mads (Caleb):
(Gasps) What the fuck was that? Wait. Wait. Just... I'll be right back. Don't... Don't go anywhere. Just... I'll be right back.
We had a pet that was just the worst. Why do you blame me for its death?
Kenzie (Adam):
Well, first off, you shouldn't have brought the snake into the house.
Mads (Caleb):
Look, Ivy wasn't going to know how to take care of it, okay? She just like almost... She almost forgot about it? And… it was just there and a snake and it was Sawyer's snake and we were supposed to make sure that the snake was okay. So I just took it home.
Kenzie (Adam):
You didn't know how to take care of it either.
Mads (Caleb):
Like, like Ivy would have.
Kenzie (Adam):
This isn't (sighs).
Mads (Caleb):
Look, I thought if I brought a snake into the house that mom would freak out. And so I just I found a shoebox and I put holes in it. I put lots of holes in the shoebox so the snake could breathe in the shoe box. It was just kind of like an in-between home for the snake, okay? I had plans for a bigger box.
Kenzie (Adam):
Caleb.
Mads (Caleb):
It's not my fault the snake got out.
Kenzie (Adam):
Caleb, I don't really fucking care about the snake, even though you are the reason it's dead. I want to know why you think right now is the time to talk about the fucking snake.
Mads (Caleb):
Look, I thought I - I'm trying to distract you, okay, Adam? I’m just, I'm trying to do anything that might not be talking about this right now. Because this right now, we can't do anything about this, okay? We're just here and we're counting down the days and when the days are up, so… so are you. And so can you just, for a second, just… the snake, okay? The snake. And it was dumb and it was stupid that I thought that I could keep the snake in a shoe box with a bunch of holes in it and not think about, wow, snake, long tube could fit through a hole. Okay? I didn't think about that because I was a kid. I was dumb and I just wanted to keep the snake in the house and it's just a dumb kid thing.
Kenzie (Adam):
That was a selfish choice.
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, well, I know that now. I wasn't thinking about it then.
Kenzie (Adam):
Are you more or less like me than you thought, guess, being selfish and all?
Mads (Caleb):
Really? That's what you got from that? What do want me to say? Sure, we're alike. We’re brothers, it's kind of given.
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah, I would like to feel some familiarity right now, actually.
Mads (Caleb):
You are not asking me to open the door again, are you? Don't even... Adam, it's not... It's not gonna happen.
Kenzie:
We made a plan for if this ever happened. Will we see it through?
Mads (Caleb):
Well, the plan was to put you on the other side of the door and just wait. See how much time we had.
Kenzie (Adam):
The answer is less than 24 hours now, by the way.
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, I got that. What's gonna happen then? After?
Kenzie (Adam):
I don't know.
Mads (Caleb):
I guess there's no way for you to know either. You won't be here.
Kenzie (Adam):
You finally said it.
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah. I don't think you've been here for a while. I remember mom crying. She was just outside in the carport. I think she saw if she went out there so that I wouldn't hear her. It's the first time I've seen her cry in a while. Of course, as soon as I opened up the door, she immediately acted like everything was fine. She just brushed herself off and… asked me about plans for the weekend. It doesn't feel like you're gone yet, though. It's like you're just out of reach.
Kenzie (Adam):
You should make plans for the weekend.
Mads (Caleb):
(chuckles) Like what?
Kenzie (Adam):
Anything. You could do anything.
Hey, Caleb?
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, I'm still here.
Kenzie (Adam):
I think I'm starting not to be.
Mads (Caleb):
Starting not to be?
Kenzie (Adam):
It’s like my fingers and my face it’s… it’s not looking good.
Mads (Caleb):
Oh, I - I think I knew. Um, I think I knew it was coming. But, um, I just thought I'd have more time.
Out of everyone, through all this shit, who were the people that were the worst? Who was the most cruel?
Kenzie (Adam):
I think at some points it was me, if we're being fair and honest.
Mads (Caleb):
(Scoffs) You can't take the blame for all of it. I think at some points it was me too.
Kenzie (Adam):
And really, I think Sawyer's dad.
Mads (Caleb):
(laughs)
Kenzie (Adam):
Mr. Hook.
Mads (Caleb):
You're right. God, you're right. Look, we might have fucked up a lot, but we're still just figuring this out. I'm not going to take the blame for everything, and you shouldn't either.
Kenzie (Adam):
But I should take the blame for what I did.
Mads (Caleb):
Adam, you already did. You don't need to take anymore.
Kenzie (Adam):
Oh, it’s all I can do. I can't make up for it now. You can just heap it all on me. I can take it.
Mads (Caleb):
I couldn't live with myself if I did that to you. And that's what you want, right? For me to live?
Kenzie (Adam):
Are you promising me now?
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah. Yes I am.
Kenzie (Adam):
Good.
Kenzie:
We have an inside joke about the infected. Is it still funny?
Mads (Caleb):
I think it has to be… funny. Or else it's just kind of sad.
Kenzie (Adam):
What, that this thing feeds off of bad self-esteem or whatnot? Guess it is funny that I got loads of that. Doesn't make any sense.
Mads (Caleb):
Exactly. You have the biggest ego in Wildmoore. Had. Sorry.
Kenzie (Adam):
I'm still here.
Mads (Caleb):
For now. We can do a lot of fucked up shit. But I don't think we're ever gonna be as pathetic as that thing is. It's laughable that it's been able to survive for so long. Thousands of years. For what? To prey on teenagers? What a joke.
Kenzie (Adam):
It... It did kind of win though, in my case. If you don't want to put the blame on Ivy, then it did win. Funny till it's not.
Mads (Caleb):
For now I'll say it's funny.
Kenzie (Adam):
For now. See what the grief counselor tells you.
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, they say I don't really open up that well. It's not without trying. They just keep giving me coloring book pages. What am I, six?
Kenzie (Adam):
Unfortunately, Caleb, I don't think this counts.
Mads (Caleb):
Counts as what? Grief therapy?
Kenzie (Adam):
Opening up.
Mads (Caleb):
Ugh, you’re such a downer. Just... Let me have this for a minute.
Kenzie (Adam):
Not funny.
Mads (Caleb):
Let me just have this.
What does it feel like being like this?
Kenzie (Adam):
Wow, just like throwing that out there, huh?
Mads (Caleb):
Hey, you told me to open up. You first. You're older.
Kenzie (Adam):
It's heavy. I feel slow. Like it's crawling through my veins. And I'm foggy.
Mads (Caleb):
Does it hurt?
Kenzie (Adam):
Uh, it did a couple days ago. I think I'm used to it now.
Mads (Caleb):
Are you scared of it? Or does it feel…calm? Peaceful?
Kenzie (Adam):
I hate it.
Mads (Caleb):
Heh. There he is.
Kenzie (Adam):
You know, I know that it was not a good thing, but you never had it in your head. And I just don't know if you can see it the way I can.
Mads (Caleb):
Well, you're right about that. I don't think I can. It's always going to lie to you.
Kenzie (Adam):
It told me some truths though.
Mads (Caleb):
(scoffs) Like what?
Kenzie (Adam):
I mean, it's part of the reason I saw what Mr. Duncan did.
Mads (Caleb):
Oh. Well, there were other ways that we could have found that out. Just because it helped you one time doesn't mean that it would have helped ever again. It was just looking for something to pull you in more.
Kenzie (Adam):
I don't think it was helpful, but I just don't think it was… (sighs) a liar?
Mads (Caleb):
Well, I do.
Kenzie (Adam):
I know.
Mads (Caleb):
I wish you had a Sam.
Kenzie (Adam):
Mmm.
Mads (Caleb):
Someone that could shake you out of that. When you get so messed up in your own head, pull you back to your senses. I wish you had that.
Kenzie (Adam):
Ivy didn't quite do that for me.
Mads (Caleb):
You pushed her away. And I think by the time she came back, it was already too late.
Kenzie (Adam):
You just lied to me.
Mads (Caleb):
What? When?
Kenzie (Adam):
You said you couldn't live with yourself if you lumped all the blame on me. But you did that pretty easily.
Mads (Caleb):
That's not you. It was that thing in your head. It fed you all of these lies. It promised you so many things. And its claws were in so deep by the time we tried to help. You didn't do that, Adam.
Kenzie (Adam):
Hmm. It's nice to think about it that way. But I don't think I'll ever be sure.
Mads (Caleb):
Well, I will.
Kenzie (Adam):
And you made a promise, so...
Mads (Caleb):
Yep, rub that in.
Mads:
You were once there for me at my lowest. What small thing did you do that made all the difference?
Kenzie (Adam):
I know - I know we can't do this now, but do you remember that time that you were like… crying, like really crying. And I just... walked into your room and I grabbed you by the hand and we walked across the hallway through the door you are always barging through anyway. I put you on my bed and then I crawled up onto my bed. And we just sat under the comforter with flashlights on, until you had no more tears to cry, which Caleb, it lasted for so long.
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, shut up.
Kenzie (Adam):
I couldn’t even believe it.
Mads (Caleb):
I remember, though.
Kenzie (Adam):
I really wish we could do that again.
Mads (Caleb):
Me too. I mean, we're kind of doing it now.
Kenzie (Adam):
No flashlights, not face to face.
Mads (Caleb):
It feels the same.
Kenzie (Adam):
I really remember that.
Mads (Caleb):
I kind of remember what you're talking about. I think I had a bad dream. Something about a house burning down, I think. But I don't even remember what it was. I was really little. I remember going into your room though, and when you fell asleep, I was looking up at your ceiling with all the glow in the dark stars. I felt safe.
Kenzie (Adam):
You could again.
Mads (Caleb):
Feel safe?
Kenzie (Adam):
I'm just like three steps away.
Mads (Caleb):
No. No, you're not. You're not... You're not here anymore, Adam. But I'm still not ready to let you go. I don't know why. I don't know how to move on.
Kenzie (Adam):
You can't have this both ways. You can either open the door, or you can go. That's it, those are the two options, Caleb.
Mads (Caleb):
Why does there only need to be two? It's like this ultimatum that you're making that I have to do one or the other. Can't it just… stay like this.
Kenzie (Adam):
I can’t.
Mads (Caleb):
Just a few more hours then. For me.
Kenzie (Adam):
You are pushing it.
Mads (Caleb):
Yeah, well, that's what I do best when it comes to you.
Hey, Adam?
Kenzie (Adam):
Yeah?
Mads (Caleb):
(sighs) This is going to sound stupid, but like if I’m here and you're not, what’s a dream that you never shared with me before? Maybe I can- I can do it.
Kenzie (Adam):
Uh, wow, um…honestly? I really wanted to make those houses on our property livable again. And if we didn’t get our family to come back necessarily, uh… I don't know, to fill it with something. People. (Scoffs)
Mads (Caleb):
More Moores.
Kenzie (Adam):
It's just never really sat right with me that all those houses just sit empty. Stagnant and worse for wear. I don't know, they could be used.
Mads (Caleb):
Well, I think I've got a lot of time on my schedule in this town that I didn't think that I'd have. Maybe I could do something with it. Put some time into those houses. I mean, some of them are just dangerous to be around. Probably have to do away with them, but… there's so much more that could come from it. From everything that we've left behind.
Kenzie (Adam):
I wish we could do just a little good, because it feels like we've done a lot of bad.
Mads (Caleb):
I want us… I want to be the change in our family. I don't want us to be loners in the woods carrying some deep dark curse forever. I want to learn how to open up, whether that starts with houses or myself.
Kenzie (Adam):
I feel like it would be remiss of me to let it slide that I was gonna make a jab about you being handy, but, uh, I really like that idea so I don't want to say that.
Mads (Caleb):
I’m gonna pretend like you didn't say anything just now and like instead you're just really happy for me. And you think I said some really cool stuff.
Kenzie (Adam):
I did think you said some really cool stuff.
Mads (Caleb):
Shut up.
Kenzie (Adam):
I don't know, it's kind of cool. You liking my idea so much that you're gonna do it? It feels good.
Mads (Caleb):
You have a lot of bad ideas, but every once in a while you have, um, had good ones.
Kenzie:
When you pull the final card, I have to pass you a little note.
Mads (Caleb):
I'm sorry, Caleb. That's all you asked me to say to you, and I wouldn't. I'm sorry.
Kenzie:
The last card of the game asks me: “Do you open the door?”
That piece of paper under the door to you and the room behind the door goes silent.
Mads:
I hold the paper in my hands and then I put it back down on the floor. I feel behind me and the door is still solid, wooden. It has a couple of chips in the paint. I use that hand on the door to help me steady myself as I stand up. I turn around, stare at the door, my hand against it. Notice how the grooves in the wood have aged. Notice how my hand is bigger. Like time has passed. I reach for the doorknob.
Mads (Caleb):
I miss you. I miss you every day. And I know that - that… that counselor, she said that grief comes in stages, that it doesn't just happen and go away forever, that it sneaks up sometimes, but every day, every week, every month, every year, it gets a little bit smaller.
I'll always love you and I'll always remember you just as you were, my brother. Unstoppable, stupid, bullheaded, stubborn, amazing, strong, fearless. Adam. Thank you.
Mads:
I open the door.
Kenzie:
Hello and thank you all for spending two years with queeRPG. Thank you to Mads McDonough for reprising his role as Caleb Moore, from our first series, Wildmoore High. Thank you to Elliot Davis for asking us to showcase this beautiful game. If you’d like to get your hands on it yourself, it is now live on Backerkit. You can find the link in the description box. We usually take the time here to promote ourselves and ask for you support, but aside from sharing this episode with everyone you know, I’d like you all to just sit with the story as we listen to the rest of the theme song.
Meet your hosts:
Kenzie Tartaglione
Creator/Producer
